Growing up can be difficult for everybody. The stress of questioning and learning, combined with the stress of finding out where you belong and where you fit in, can be tolling. However, for some, growing up alongside an autistic and/or mentally retarded sibling makes the process even more difficult.
Kathleen Horan, 19, is a native of Miami, FL. However, Kathleen is currently studying at Boston College, far from her mentally retarded sister, Jen Horan. According to Kathleen, Jen's retardation was a result of brain damage caused during childbirth. This brain damage has affected both her right and left hemispheres, affecting her language and mathematical skills. While through a great amount of tutoring and therapy Jen, 31, has progressed tremendously, there are some things she still struggles with and other things she will likely never get the chance to experience. "Because she [Jen] struggles with spatial awareness and hand-eye coordination, she'll never be able to drive," Kathleen said. "She'll also never be able to manage her finances or be fully independent." Because of the limitations both mental retardation and autism place on the mentally retarded and autistic, their families also suffer. According to the Autism Society of America Web site "The demands of raising a child with autism are great, and families frequently experience high levels of stress." Tana Bleser, a 22-year-old graduate student conducting research on autism through UF's Psychology Department, agrees, saying that raising a child with autism is more time consuming than raising a non-autistic child and thus takes time away from all other aspects of life, including relationships with spouses and other children. "My mom has told me that when I was younger, around first grade or so, that I used to do things to get attention from my parents," Denise Ortiz, a 20-year-old art and art history major at Florida International University, said. "I assume this was because a lot of attention went to my brother who, at the time, had behavioural problems." Denise's brother, Gabriel Ortiz, 19, has autism. According to Denise, autism affects the learning of speech, the use of language, reading comprehension, social skills and the understanding of abstract concepts.
"I'm not really sure on how it physically affects the brain, but as a result of his autism there are several things that he may not be able to do," Denise said. Denise was greatly affected by her brother's autism as a young child and pre-teen. "When I was younger, I just didn't understand why my brother was so different. It was extremely frustrating, and I was very resentful towards him," Denise said. She also resented the fact that she had to be the one to stick up for Gabriel, who is often referred to as Gabi. "It hurt me so much when other kids used to pick on him," Denise said. "Whenever I was actually around to hear the names people would call him, I would get so mad and I would usually scream or curse at the kids that picked on him." Contrastingly, Kathleen was most affected by her sister's mental retardation as a young teenager. "When I was little my big sister was my hero, I never realized anything was wrong," Kathleen said." "I was that annoying little sister who wanted to tag along and do anything and everything she did." It wasn't until Kathleen started to grow up that she even became aware of her sister's disability. "I can remember the day that my sister sat me down and told me there was something wrong with her," Kathleen said. "I had the hardest time understanding." Kathleen felt that she had a hard time relating to Jen, seeing as Jen didn't understand many of the things that normal adolescents go through. "I went through a period of time in which I was very self conscious of her," Kathleen said. "I didn't like bringing her around my friends because I thought that maybe they wouldn't understand her or that they would find her annoying since she is so talkative and laughs a lot." Bleser thinks that many families see autism as a death sentence and don't realize that it doesn't have to be. Good can come out of the potentially negative situation of having a child with autism and/or mental retardation. "My cousin has autism and she is the nucleus of our family," Bleser said. "She puts the whole family in perspective." According to the Autism Society of America Web site, despite the struggles siblings of the disabled go through growing up, research indicates that the majority cope well with their experiences. As both Denise and Kathleen have grown and matured they have learned to accept and love their siblings regardless of their disabilities. They also feel that they have become better people as a result of their experiences with their siblings. "Gabi is a beautiful person who does not make judgments about people and doesn't worry about the small things that most of us fuss over," Denise said. "Maybe we should all learn to view the world like he does." Denise also thinks it's important that the siblings of the autistic and mentally retarded understand that they are not alone. "Other people know how you are feeling and what you are going through," Denise said. "You have to learn to live with and accept your sibling's disability-- and that takes time." | 
